Can we go back?

Fall family portraits in Stuart, Florida, a way to relive our past

Fall is in the air. I can feel it, just a little bit. When this time of year comes to us here in Stuart, Florida, I always remember the first Halloween with my son Daniel. That was the year I started to see the world through a child’s eyes again. I was 36 when he was born, so I had been “adulting” for quite awhile, and I had lost appreciation for some of the simple joys of life. Like Fall breezes. And pumpkin patches. And dressing up for Halloween.

He was about 8 months old on his first Halloween and I am sure it was more fun for me than it was for him. And clearly he has no memories of it. We dressed him as The Lone Ranger. He was so cute! We are fortunate to live in a great trick-or-treating neighborhood (for the past 20 years) and have taken our kids around many times through the years. But that first year as new parents, we sat in the driveway with friends, handing out candy, chatting with neighbors and enjoying comments from others about our cute baby in his costume.

Halloween 2001

Those years are long past, which makes me sad on some levels. Daniel is 18 now and I am not sure if he and his friends will participate in Halloween this year. (He has a fun group of great guys he hangs out with, so maybe.) I have increasingly noticed that I have a lot of fond memories of my kids’ childhoods that they don’t share. Sometimes it’s because they were too young to remember and sometimes it’s because we cherish different memories. That’s just the way it is. I am so glad I have this image of him, which floods me feelings from those days.

“When you are living it, you don’t always know to cherish your life, with the day-to-day tasks, realities and struggles.”

— Diane Dultmeier

Back when I took this photo of Daniel in his costume, the world of photography was entirely different. For example, as hard as it is to believe, professional portrait photographers rarely used 35mm cameras. We used medium format cameras, which yielded a much bigger negative and therefore allowed us to enlarge the images while still maintaining very high quality. What we now call “pixelation” was then referred to as “grain.” If you enlarged an image too much at all, it just couldn’t hold the quality and there was nothing you could do about it. No software to fix it, even a little. 

As a portrait photographer, my goal has always been for my clients to display their favorite portraits on their walls. Smaller prints and albums have their place, but only on the wall can you so truly see and enjoy your images every day--the portraits become part of your home and as the years pass, evolve into iconic images that preserve a moment in your family history. Clients ask me if they should take down the older portraits when the new ones arrive. I strongly say “No!” And it is just my opinion. In reality, those are your family memories right there in front of you. Please leave them up.

Daniel 2019

Back in the day, using a medium format camera also meant using a tripod because it was heavy and definitely not on a strap around my neck. (There were some that did that, but not commonly used.) This meant that chasing toddlers was not something one did much back then, as a professional photographer. This would be why almost all the portraits done back before digital, by professional portrait photographers, did not show the child in action. Also, a roll of film had usually 10 or 20 shots on it. And, according to my calculations at the time, each time I pushed the shutter, it cost me $1.00 in film and processing. So pushing the shutter was done with restraint, meaning the photographer had to be really good at anticipation, one of the most important skills a photographer can develop. Knowing where to position yourself and anticipating what might happen next is what leads to being in the right place and time for the best expressions and actions/

So, for Halloween 2001, being a new mom, I used my medium format camera to take this image of Daniel. I never planned to make a wall portrait, but I wanted excellent quality, which it has. In the excitement of being a new mother, I wanted everything to be just right, no compromises in quality. (At this point in life I have accepted that this actually isn’t possible when raising kids.) I love this image and I know that perhaps my husband and I are the only ones who truly cherish it. But as the years go on I am increasingly so very happy I have things like this.

When you are living it, you don’t always know to cherish your life, with the day-to-day tasks, realities and struggles. We need more things in our lives to help us feel gratitude for what was and even what is right now. To stop and take the time to cherish what we have right now. The Fall breezes here in Stuart remind me to do that. What reminds you?